Gratitude Countdown #3: Adoption

#3: I am thankful for Adoption!

Dan and our caseworker from LDS Family Services Brad at our 80's dinner!

I know I have said it a thousand times before, but it is true. I am so thankful for adoption and the opportunity it gives Dan and I to build our eternal family. I am thankful for the loving birthmother and her love that she has her her child and for us to place her baby for adoption and then to chose us to parent that baby. I am thankful that Adoption can take place and that we can give that baby a loving home and a chance and all the love in the world (because that is what we will do!) I am thankful for all that I have learned going through the waiting process. I am thankful for all I have learned about adoption. I am also thankful for the people I have meet because of adoption and the activities and projects that I have been able to be a part of because of adoption. The entire process has truly changed my life and me forever.

Gratitude Countdown #2: Friends

#2: I am thankful for FRIENDS!!!

I have many friends. Some of my friends are close and know everything about me. Some of my friends I only speak to once a year. Some friends I have known my whole life, while others are relatively new. Some friends I see frequently and others I have never met but I still consider them friends.

Friends are very important to me. They have helped me out throughout my life and helped me through a lot of difficult situations. I have a relatively small family and consider my friends an extension of my family. I am thankful for the friends that I have and cherish them more than they know. I am thankful for the things they have taught me and the time we have been able to spend together. I am thankful for the friends I have had, the friends I have been able to re-connect with and the friends who have stuck by me for years.

Mission Accomplished

I won't give away the movie in case some people haven't seen it... I hate when that happens to me... but I will say that my mission for the weekend has been accomplished. We went to the first showing this morning and saw the movie that I have been waiting to see.

Dan is such a good sport too. He worked from 5:30am yesterday morning until about 4 something last night... He was suppose to come home and take a nap but of course did not! Then he had to go to work last night. He left the house again at about 9:45pm and did not get home until around 9:30am. He was planning on going to sleep when he got home but said he would take me to see Twilight instead. What a great husband he is huh? I love him!

The movie was good. I don't know that it was my all time favorite movie (that would be hard) but I did enjoy it and I do hope that they make the next ones to go along with the books. I did believe the actors as Edward, Bella and Jacob for sure. Carlisle was a little hard for me to fully believe. As a whole I thought it was good though and it makes me what to pick up the books and starting reading all over again!!!

Gratitude Countdown #1

I am taking this idea from my friend Kirsten....

It is exactly one week from Thanksgiving and so I want to share my thoughts with you and remind myself of some of the things in my life that I am thankful for. I am counting down with the 7 Days of Gratitude



#1.... I am thankful for the gospel in my life. I have always been taught about Jesus Christ but have not always been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am thankful for the decision I made when I was 17 to join the church and for the impact it has made in my life.

Happy Birthday to Mickey and Me!

Another year older? I can't believe the time goes by so FAST!

Mickey Mouse and I celebrated our birthday's today. I love being able to celebrate with him. I remember learning that I shared my birthday with the big guy when I was little and thought it was the best thing ever... I still think it is!

Don't think we have any special plans tonight but we had a great weekend. We were able to spend the weekend with friends. Marvin and Maria came into town from California and we had fun shopping and eating, of course. We got lots of Christmas shopping done which was on our list of things to do. And to top it off the Steelers won on Sunday! What more could I ask for?

Waiting

I know that my last post regarding adoption was on HOPE and I still have HOPE but right now I feel like I am WAITING for a lot of things and I am also WAITING on the adoption front. The Waiting process is the hardest part of the entire thing. When you are pregnant you have a timeline to go by, you know that in approximately 9 months you will have a little one, but it is not the same with adoption. You have no idea how long you will wait for your little one to arrive. While the waiting teaches you many things and is a growing experience, it is also something that can get you down at times and something that you have no control over.

I recently posted this story on the Nevada FSA blog (which I do the posting for) and I wanted to share it here to help get the feeling across regarding the Waiting process.

"Should I change my shirt? My hair? My religion? When you’re waiting to be picked by a birthmother, you question every aspect of yourself.

Is it my hairline? Should I have worn a different outfit for the picture? When you’re waiting to be matched with a birthmother, each day that passes without a call makes you question every part of yourself and your life. You may have had this feeling during fifth-grade gym class. But back then, even the kids who were picked last were picked within five minutes. After all, gym class lasts only an hour.

This is more like a police lineup, and the birthmother is behind the two-way mirror. She might see me, but I don’t see her. All I can see is...me. And after staring at myself long enough, all I notice are imperfections: My clothes aren’t stylish enough, my skin is marked with blemishes. Most of all, I see my soul, and I wrestle with the desire to bare it and the fear of revealing too much. And some days, I wonder if anyone’s even looking at me through the mirror.

The endless wait
I meet others in the lineup. Some become my friends. Some of us are reserved, while others cope with the wait by talking about their every thought and feeling. But unlike those in a police lineup, we aren’t whispering to ourselves, “Pick him.” We are praying, “Pick me!”

Some leave after a month, others after a week. “Is that fair?” the rest of us wonder. “They haven’t served their time yet!” I know in my heart that they must have been the right parents for a baby—the connection with birthparents is why we chose open adoption, after all—but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. It only makes me look harder at myself.

Should I submit a different picture? Are prospective parents rejected because they’re Caucasian? Because they’re tall? Or short? While the birthmothers’ choices are infinite, I have only one: to wait.

I’m an engineer, so I try to make sense of the world by looking at statistics. One in three placements is “last-minute.” Average time in the pool is about 10 months. Our agency matches roughly five families per month. But these statistics don’t matter when your wife is having an emotional day, and you both start going a little crazy.

Any day now
At some point we crossed the line—from it could happen any day now to I can’t put my life on hold any longer. So we pass the time like others we’ve met in the pool—in a mix of preparation and insanity. We have a fully equipped nursery. Babies-R-Us could practically shoot pictures for its fall catalog at our house. I know that having the nursery prepared will work in our favor in the long run, especially if we get a last-minute placement, but walking by this room every day makes me wonder if we’ve spent just enough time and money to jinx ourselves.

After the nursery was completed, we tore out all the flooring in our home. For now, our new flooring is on a manufacturer delay, the contents of the nursery are crammed into the sunroom, and most of our other furniture is sitting in the garage. That, combined with the two business trips I have to go on later this month, must mean the phone will ring any day. We hope. Life on hold I’ve learned that it’s nearly impossible to explain the waiting experience to someone who hasn’t gone through it himself. Our friends and family are universally sympathetic, and they understand our desire to be parents. What they don’t get is the anxiety involved in calling the adoption agency, yet again, just to see if our profile has been requested by any birthmothers, then hearing, yet again, “Not yet, but keep your spirits up. Now’s the time to work on things you’ve been meaning to do, while you wait.” I’m waiting for the flooring to arrive. I’m waiting for next week’s “Waiting Families” meeting. I’m waiting for my wife to break down in tears, although I’m afraid I’ll only be able to offer her vague statistics and a reassuring hug. I’m waiting to share the love that is bottled up inside of me with a son or daughter. I’m waiting for the phone to ring... " (article by Scott Hollowell, featured in Adoptive Families Magazine)

X-rays

After months of having more than the normal pain in my knee I decided it was time to head out to the doctor and find out what is going on in there.

I went to my primary doctor on Friday and he said he thought I should go straight to the orthopedic surgeon just in case it is anything that would be the guy I would end up needing to see anyway, plus they could do x-rays on sight.

So this morning I went to the surgeon, got some x-rays and am now waiting for an MRI. The surgeon is pretty sure that I have an meniscus tear in my left knee. This is both good and bad. Good because they have finally been able to tell me what the heck is wrong with my knee and why is locks up on me, bad because that means surgery! The x-rays were normal and I have to wait for the MRI next week to confirm but he is pretty sure that is what it will show. So until further notice I am restricted from all of my FUN activities. No more dance, or Yoga, or hiking or the snowboard season this year for sure. Not the best news that I wanted to hear but what am I going to do.

So until the MRI... I must wait and see!

HOPE

Adoption is a way and a means of HOPE for us. It is a struggle and it requires patience, but it gives us HOPE! It gives us HOPE of a new beginning. A new life. A new family.

There is a great article that was offered by President James E. Faust in Nov. 1999. I find it ironic that he would write the article in November (National Adoption Month) and have the topic be HOPE! Totally appropriate.

HOPE applies to many aspects in our lives but as we are in the midst of adopting, we of course are applying it to adoption. Take a look at the article here and see what you get out of it.

My favorite quote is from Samuel Smiles “ ‘Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.’ … Hope sweetens the memory of experiences well loved. It tempers our troubles to our growth and our strength. It befriends us in dark hours, excites us in bright ones. It lends promise to the future and purpose to the past. It turns discouragement to determination.”

Calling. Fast. Cars.

We don't really have any pictures from this weekend but there were some pretty important events that happened and we figured we should share them...

Calling: Today at church I got a new calling, a pretty BIG, calling. I am the new YW Camp Director. yep, you heard me right. Not the assistant, or just in YW, but the Camp DIRECTOR! I have no idea what they were thinking but I am pretty excited and just hope that I am able to pull it off for the girls. So now I have until July to search site after site and see what other creative ladies have come up with as far as great ideas for camp. Let me know if you have any ideas or know where to find them. I welcome any help!!!

Fast: We were able to participate (along with some great family and friends) in a fast and temple session in honor of National Adoption Month and our adoption efforts. It felt so good to know that we were all fasting and also attending the temple for the same cause and to be united in that. We are so lucky to be blessed with such a great support system. We look forward to the day that we are able to bring a little one into our home and into this wonderful family! Thanks again to all of those who participated with us. We love you!

Cars: Dan and some friends decided that they wanted to have a car wash at our house so on Saturday they washed 5 cars and in so doing inspired the rest of our street. By the time they were done 3 more houses had washed cars in their driveways as well. Thanks to their hard work last night and today we had RAIN in beautiful Las Vegas, NV! We haven't had rain in months but today we did....

We are off on another week's adventure... wish us luck! 

Fast

It is National Adoption Month as I have mentioned before and because of such we have decided to head out to the temple and also fast in that honor. We will be starting a fast tonight and then going to the temple on Saturday.

It has been a while for us as we continue the "waiting game" but we have had such great love and support from all of our families and friends and we are so grateful for that. We know that our time with come when we will be able to be blessed with a child in our home and be able to be a forever family. Until then we do all that we can to stay strong and hopeful; including attending the temple. We would love to have anyone join us that would like to for this cause. It would be great to have the temples full with people their for this cause. It is so close and dear to my heart and I know to many others as well.

This is an invitation to all!

So anyone, anywhere that can make it out to their respective temples please feel welcome to do so.

Time for a change?

President Obama??? It will definitely take me a while to get use to that. Time for a change? I agree with this statement but I am not sure that I agree with all of the changes that he is ready to make. I was very conflicted during these last few months and during this election year actually. There were so many things to be worried about and so many BIG issues that were being tossed back and forth. The BIG issue that was most concerning to me and hit close to home was the issue of gay-marriage. Now... most people would sit back and say that the reason that this was an issue for me was because I am a religious person.. oh, even LDS.. and then figure that was what I was voting with. But in actuality not really. I have a very open mind and I vote with my own mind and my own heart. There are things that people do behind closed doors and as long as they don't hurt others than I don't really care. I don't care if they get married, I don't care if they have the health insurance or the benefits as other married couples do but then there are things that I do care about.... I care that we as parents would be forced to have our children learn that that is a lifestyle that HAS to be accepted. I care that our children would be forced to attend gay weddings during school outings. I care that this would affect me becoming a parent at all. This has a huge impact on the adoption community and many do not know that at all.

"Due to the current status of California, adoption.com and parentprofiles.com have already been under attack. They lost the legal battle and now their services are not available to California couples hoping to adopt or birth parents hoping to place in California. To read about that from the Family Equality Council click here. At a National Board meeting for the Families Supporting Adoption. prop 8 came up. It would be very near impossible for LDSFS to continue in the adoption world had Prop 8 passed. Already in Massachusetts, LDSFS is getting pressure to close its doors as they do not offer services to homosexual couples. You may be thinking, "well, LDSFS doesn't offer services to heterosexual couples who are not active members of the Church." That is true and that is under attack as well. Here is what you need to know about prop 8 from an adoption standpoint: Religious adoption agencies will be challenged by government agencies to give up their long-held right to place children only in homes with both a mother and a father. Catholic Charities in Boston already closed its doors in Massachusetts (after 100 years of practice) because courts legalized same-sex marriage there. "

With the outcome of yesterday's vote and the YES ON PROP 8... there was some good news for me and my family. We have hope!

"Voters put a stop to same-sex marriage in California, dealing a crushing defeat to gay-rights activists in a state they hoped would be a vanguard and putting in doubt as many as 18,000 same-sex marriages conducted since a court ruling made them legal this year.

The gay-rights movement had a rough election elsewhere as well Tuesday. Amendments to ban gay marriage were approved in Arizona and Florida, and Arkansas voters approved a measure banning unmarried couples from serving as adoptive or foster parents. "

One day we will be a family. We will be together. I will support the president. I am excited that we have a new chapter in the history of America. I will stand by him because I know the Lord is standing by me and wants me to build my family through adoption and is making it possible for me to do so.

You gave me LIFE

This is such a touching video... It gets the point across really well of what the birthmother must go through as she places her child for adoption and it also shows how the children really feel as they grow up and we can teach them how much their birthparents really did love them. They can have such a love and respect for their birthparents; the way it should be.

*the only part I don't like is that he uses the words "gave me up"... I wish he would have chosen different words.